Tenderness of Role Reversals
Tears flow writing about the challenges we face as our parents age, and we become the caregivers.
A couple of years before Dad passed away, I came for a visit. It was a few months after he had suffered a stroke. Dad usually picked me up at the SeaTac airport in his Jeep Grand Wagoneer, but this time my nephew Brad (or was it Christopher?) had chauffeured Dad.
I started to walk toward the vehicle, when Dad lumbered out of the passenger side of the vehicle. I was taken aback, as I noticed he was walking with earnest effort, dragging a foot, a useless arm dangling at his side. Dad never spoke of his challenges and was always “just fine” if we asked.
It was then that I realized the extent of Dad’s recovery process, but more importantly, I recognized how, despite his handicap, he was demonstrating great love in welcoming me, his little girl. Here was the man who had once carried me on his shoulders and had taught me many things over the then 50-some-odd years of my life.
It was for me to wait as he showed he could still be my hero. And when we embraced, I could still feel his strength, though admittedly it was beginning to wane.
Though he was oft times a grouchy lion of a man, I could see how he set aside his pride and used every effort to meet ‘My Pat’ at the airport.
And in the years that followed, his mortal body suffered profound deafness and other challenges, but thankfully I could be there to still be taught at his knee.His devotion to his beloved “Blanchey-Babe” proved you can teach an old dog new tricks. He had agreed he would cut out the grouchiness and accept home health caregivers and nurses. All this, so we could bring Blanche home from the nursing home for what would be the last eight months of her life. (Long story here - about having both parents on hospice.)
I recall assisting her to sit on the glider with him on the lakeside porch shown in the background of the photo above. I hope they know what a profound sense of belonging and a wonderful bunch of memories they gave us over the years. Love between parent and child makes these memories bittersweet, but I am glad I can still remember.
Take the time to write your personal family history, one episode at a time. Don’t worry about chronological order. Just do it.
Happy family tree climbing!
Myrt :)
DearMYRTLE,
Your (not so) retired friend in genealogy.
Just do it. We have so much armor to protect us from doing just this. 🥹 Ya have me in tears.
Your parents were lucky to have you. I am now on the receiving side. I hope it is temporary, but I am fortunate to have family who are willing to help me. Big fan. I know about your parents and it brings a tear to my eyes when I read about them.